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Svetlana Sonday @ USA
My mom and dad yell at me. My mom hurts me by tweezing me, and is obsessed with hygiene so much she does late baths with me. I have autism, insomnia, OCD, and anxiety. But my obsessions are not about hygiene. They are about defeating criminals. I am transgender because I have chin hair. I am good and religious. I wish people would stop attacking me because of my autism! I am good high-functioning. I want an apartment with help. Thank you Earthlings.
Gryffin @ Wisconsin
I am in the middle of my seventh grade year, and I am a genderfluid lesbian, just for context btw. So basically, I am out to my parents, and they are really supportive, but recently, I started having really bad gender dysphoria, and I was not sure what to do, but I knew I liked the name Gryffin, and someday hope to change that to my name. All of my friends knew I was having dysphoria, and it caused a lot of anxiety and depression. So one day, I just went up to my friend and said “do you think you could call me Gryffin?” And they just said “sure, that’s fine” and were super chill about it! I feel very lucky to have their support and love, that’s my story.
Layla @ FL
You know what? My story is kinda cool (In my opinion). My dad was a typical Cristian white straight guy. He raised me to be a typical country Christian white straight girl. Well, one day at my humble little church, I met my best friend. I had no clue they were Bi until they told me! They told me how harsh people are treating women and how some men can be... unpleasing. They showed me a whole new world! A world that my parents never told me about. I will quote them, “Parents will raise you to believe you have a valuable opinion until your opinion clashes with theirs.” And it’s true! Now, I am Bi. I haven’t told many people yet. But I will soon. Right now I am 13, and when I turn 18, I’m moving in with my best friend and their partner. Someday we are going to move to Nevada, because it is a ‘safe state’.
Jane Larson @ Portland OR
I came out when I was 16. My mother was very Catholic and I had been in catholic schools since kindergarten. The catholic high school had to close so I found myself at public high school with more freedoms than I ever imagined before. I met my first girlfriend and starting thinking about telling my folks. My father would be cool but my mother was another story altogether. I failed to bring it up countless times one week so i gave myself a pep talk and resolved to do it over the weekend. Before I could start the conversation, I came home from school to find my mom and dad at the kitchen table waiting for me. In the middle of that table was a strip of photo booth pictures of my girlfriend and I. I answered my dads questions, told them I was gay and was scared to tell them. As predicted, my dad said they loved me just as I was and my mom cried and wondered out loud if I would get into heaven.
Danielle @ Suriname
i am a recently turned 15 year old who is bisexual.When i was 13 early last year, I became close with a lesbian very quickly.Around 3 weeks of getting to know each other,we both shared feelings for each other.
Jojibaro @ Canada
On 11, Jan 2021, a huge fire engulfed my humble home and burnt it down to ashes. Nothing was saved. Damage is estimated to be a little over 200,000. I on the other hand was saved and admitted to the hospital for one month. I now face a challenge to get back on my feet.-As an International Human Rights Activist, I now come to you for your help
Bob @ Bellmawr, NJ
At the age of 50, I finally admitted to myself and shortly thereafter a truth I'd been avoiding for years, decades. I am a gay man. I sort of regret not having come out sooner. Maybe, I would have found the right guy by now. Still, I would have likely missed out on some other friendships that are very important to me. Why did it take me this long? That's something I am still wondering, but it's OK. The big thing is I'm OK with who am am, if still lonely. You are OK and there is no timeline on when you find out you are not who everyone thought you are.
Stephen @ London
I was 25 When I came out of sorts .I had struggled at school hiding my sexuality. In the 70’s it was a lot harder to be honest with everyone than it is now. I Went through The process of “trying “ to be straight but it was never going to work. I left home in 1983 and moved to a new job. After about 6 months I started sharing an apartment with a Male colleague and three months down the line we ended up in a relationship. I was happy until about 9 months later, he decided to move away , I was devastated . After a few months, I then moved to where he had moved to thinking if I was there he would pick up with me again. When you love someone, especially your first love, it’s very hard to be rejected. We never got back together. I then moved 100 miles away to get a clean break, now 3 years on, from finding my first love, I was in a new Town and after a few months met someone who filled the gap in my life. We didn’t live together but were neighbours, fantastic guy. About 14 months into our relationship, my new partner was tragically involved in a car accident in 1988 and died. At this point, I had never experienced a close family death and was completely lost. A few days later, I went home to my parents and My mother saw how distressed I was and at that point she asked “was he more than just your friend”. The truth then came out. No dramas, just a concerned mother, who’s life had also at that point just had her life turned upside down by my answer.
Evie @ UK
It's Evie again! I told my mum and * grandma * it went well.They accepted me.I prefer not to tell my dad,I'm too scared too....That's all! -Evie 🏳‍🌈
Evie @ UK
I am going to tell my *lesbian* mum on Monday(if i see her). I am 10 but don't ask if i am sure about my sexuality because i am! I will come out as bisexual(i have dated boys AND girls), i might tell my Auntie(bisexual). All my friends know.. My family doesn't know I dated my girl bestie. After i tell my mum, i plan to tell my dad a couple months after... I think my dad may be homophobic though. 🏳‍🌈
Kaeli @ Australia
so my story is one day i just know i was a lesbian it wasnt a choice but just a reality. so i really wanted to tell my parents but i knew it was going to be hard and to make things worse my grandad is a preist. so it was night and i was waiting fo rhome and away to finish and then i was going to tell them. but me and my younger brother being stupid got sent to bed early so i thought that my chance was gone. so being a stupid 14 year old girl, i wrote a note a full A4 page note and left it on the table for my mum to find the next day. i got a text when she found it and i was on the bus. i thought oh crap what have i done i have just told my parents that im a lesbian. so the entire day i didnt want to go home at all i was just to scared that they wouldnt accept it and that they would kick me out of home or something like that. but when i got home my mum being a joker made a note just like mine explaining how she was straight. and then i thought OMG my parents are being embarassing about it. then my dad got home and the first thing that her said to me was once a melon head always a melon head.
Iris @ USA
I'm genderfluid and bisexual. I come from a Christian family. I told my mother last year that I was bisexual, and she told everyone in my family, and told me it was my hormones raging and that it was a phase. Seemingly, she told me she supports LGBTQ+, but she blocks all related content on my computer and refuses to let me be myself. I have yet to tell my parents I am genderfluid, but I'm afraid to, because they do not accept any form of transgender, and would most likely make me be a girl everyday. My parents can't tell me how to feel, I can. I'm almost 13 now and I suffer from anxiety and depression. I know I can get through this though, and so can you!
Bee @ Arkansas
I came out as a lesbian in my freshman year. I felt ecstatic, I felt free. But as soon another girl showed interest in me I felt like as liar, because I was still a closet non-binary. I felt I couldn't come out because I'd have to leave behind being a lesbian to be understood. I was scared of being alone because although I knew several other gay people, I didn't know of any other trans people. I came out this year to one friend on the school bus and was scared but at the same time like a weight was off my shoulders. After that I came out to the rest of my friends via groupchat.
Jane @ Somewhere
Hello! When I was in about third grade, I started noticing that I didn't feel very attracted to boys, like the girls did in movies. I desperately tried to make myself like boys, but it never really worked. I only saw them as friends. I didn't really know what being gay was at the time, so I just kinda waited for the right guy. I waited for 3 years. Inbetween those three years, I had a few lady crushes but always thought of them as 'close friendships'' (which they were, but now that I think about it, I was head over heels for them lol) when I was in middle school, I started to devolp real crushes. There was just something about girls. I finally told my mom and dad, and they are super supportive. Both of my parents are huge allys. I came out to my closest friends (let's call him lucas) and he's gay too. We both came out to each other.
Charlie @ Indiana
I didn't get the choice to come out. I joke that my sister pushed me out of the closet, and she kind of did. I remember the day vividly; I was in the kitchen, after dinner, and I was cleaning the dishes. I was a sophomore or junior in high school. My mom comes running into the room, furious, and she yells at me, "Your sister said your a closeted lesbian!" In my head, I was thinking, 'Damn, wish she told me.' cuz I still hadn't figured out what I was yet (later I discovered it was PanAro and nonbinary). I panicked and didn't know what to say. I mumbled something and mom runs off again.
Anonymous @ Unknown
I swore to myself that i would never tell a soul of what happened to me and what I did. Even at an early age I experimented. My best friend at the time was watching porn and I had never watched porn before. Ever. After she saw it she told me there was something she wanted to do. I just went along with it and one thing led to another and we were acting as well above the bar of "best friends". This wasn't just one time either. Any time I slept over. I think that was the time where my mind really opened to the possibilities of love. I'm not lesbian, but bi.
Elizabeth @ New York
When I was eight-years-old I always knew there was something different about me. At the time, I had just asked my very religious grandmother of she would love and accept me if I was lesbian or bisexual. She said yes but she would be disappointed, which I expected. Now I'm 14 and I like to say that I identify as "Elizabeth" but in my heart I know that I am bisexual. The only person that I have came out to is my best friend, who still loves me the way I am. My parents always say how they would love me either way, but it doesn't make the fear go away any less.
Lamees @ Britain
Hi my name is lames and i'm a lesbian. I am a Pakistani and my parents are very strict. As a child I knew I didn't have sexual feelings for boys but had to keep it a secret.I was very scared to come out because I was scared that my parents might kill me because of who I am. THAT'S NOT FAIR. They wanted me to marry a boy from Pakistan which i do not want. I want to be with my girlfriend who is the love of my life... Milaad. Her name is Milaad and she is beautiful and she is supporting my whole phase of coming out.
tomparrish @ ALTOONA,PA.
ive been gay since1987.just not out to anyone till 2018 at age 43,did I come out as it was safe to do,when I leave the house with my,gay pride braclet on...its empowering knowing who you 54% English,wales,nw.european,28%irish,28%scottish,16%german,2%sweedish,and it does get better!sucide is not the answer,seek help if your hurting ,tell a friend,sibbling,or parent,
tom parrish @ altoona,pa
I was 12 it was 1987(7thyear),when I first,had boy crushes.i tried to tell my parents-they wouldn't here of it,so from 1987- 1992 iwas dating a boy.he was my great love!he left me in 1992 cause he didn't wanna be gay any more was how he put it.he,later moved to camp lejune,,my family never knew it.even now I can be gay ,but notmention it.its like I feel I have to justify being gay to themor explain who iam to them.
Andy @ Nyc
When I was 8 my parents got divorced. Me and my younger brother went with my dad, while my older brother went with my mum. They divorced over my older brother being transgender MTF. I as not allowed to talk to her for nearly 4 years same with my mother. When I was nine i came home from school one day to a very mad dad. He struck me 34 times with his leather belt. This was the normal after school routine. I get home, dad yells at me, he beats me, then my brother, I run to my room and cut myself. When I was 10 I came home to a raging father with a gun to my brothers head. He shot it, telling me that he didn't have money to feed two ungrateful mouths.When I turned 13 the police got involved.I got moved from the u.k. To nyc. That's when I discovered the term gay. I was gay. 2 months back I was walking home and a lady of about 30 years old, picked me up and kidnapped me. I was taken somewhere and raped. By women. I am okay. I was good to tell someone. A week ago I came out.
Patrick @ Cochran, GA
Hello! I just wanted to say I am gay and proud of it!! It wasn't for me to come out living in the country. I first came out in high school at 16. I knew I was different at about 11 but little learning my ways.
Fluttershy @ Equestria
um, i don't know if i'm allowed to do this but... lemme know if the link is broken...
Michelle @ Malaysia
I grew up in a big and conservative family in Malaysia. People would be arrested if they are found out to be homosexual. I’ve been dating this young lady for about a year now, everything was fine. Her family knows about us a few months after we dating, although they weren’t being supportive, but they tried to keep quiet. Whereas for my family, I had to keep our relationship as a secret, because I know my family will not take it easy on this issue. My eldest sister found out about my lesbian relationship, and she was being aggressive, forcing me to stop everything, stop the relationship, come back to the normal sister I was. If I insist to continue the relationship, then I will have to come out to my parents, to my family. And I chose to come out to them, because I will not want to give up on my beautiful and amazing girlfriend.
Rekamies @ polish in England
so I'm 20 years old gay girl... and last week I met my stalker. I'll just write that this guy is not dangerous but he is 30 now and he is alone like rly alone. He said first that he just want a friend, fine I was trying to be helpful but it started to be to much. If I don't answer my phone he will call 5 times in a row. If I can't meet after my work he'll ask about going out later. he comes to my work place and then ask if I want a coffe during my break. It's starting to be scary. The worst thing is that he knows where I live.
brenda @ canada
my name is Brenda I like going to mars
Ali @ Staffordshire
OK. I know I have put a lot on here but my "story" keeps changing. Recently I have had my hair cut short and let's just say it didn't go down well with my family and friends. I have been really sad this week and as much as I can talk to my Mum and she supports me, I wish I could talk to someone who understands. I guess I haven't come out anymore than before.
Charlotte @ Birmingham, UK
Let’s take ourselves back to 2012, I was 14 & was super confused to why I didn’t want a relationship with a guy. All of my friends at the time were in relationships or ‘talking’ to guys, yet I was doing the opposite. I was working out my sexuality around this time and I quickly realised that I was different. I didn’t know why or how, I just knew I didn’t fancy guys as much as my mates did. When all the pieces were coming together & I realised that I could fancy girls, an intense sense of guilt and embarrassment hit me. But why? I felt embarrassed that I didn’t fit into the Norm. So what did I do? I tried to ignore it, I didn’t want to be different, I wanted to fit in. So I pretended that I didn’t have these feelings & suppressed them for years. Fast forward to 2015 & I had several boyfriends which just didn’t work out. I started to realise what I felt all those years ago is very real & I should really listen to my heart. So that’s exactly what I did, I stopped trying to suppress my feelings. With this came many different problems, I realised that I identified as bisexual which explained my mixed emotions. But what it didn’t explain is why I didn’t feel anything romantically towards previous boyfriends, I thought it was me & I was just strange. Turns out I am strange, but it just came down to I wasn’t in love with them, simple… right? After many months of long sleepless nights, I had figured out my sexuality & the reasoning behind why past relationships didn’t work. What was next, is more than likely the hardest part of my journey. I had to accept my sexuality & be proud of who I am. It sounds so easy, but it was the worst time of my life. Being extremely embarrassed & ashamed of yourself is a horrible feeling. I didn’t like who I was, I didn’t want to be bisexual because of what people might say & I certainly didn’t want to share with anyone that I was bisexual. So, I tried to keep it a secret for as long as possible. But one day I got so down about it, I cracked & told one of my closest friends that ‘I didn’t think I was fully straight’… Which is one way to put it. From this day, everything happened so quickly. I got a girlfriend, my family knew, more & more people started to find out. And yet, I was still so so so embarrassed of my relationship & sexuality. I felt like it should be a secret & I didn’t want anyone to know about it. Yet everyone did & I hated that it was out & people knew what I was. How do you expect people to accept you, when you don’t accept yourself? Whilst this is going on, I had (& still do) an amazing girlfriend who wanted to show off our relationship, but I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ashamed of her or us, I was ashamed of me & didn’t want people to see me with a girl… when they already knew I was. Not only was I hurting myself, it was hurting the ones who mattered the most to me. I can’t exactly pin point a moment when i thought ‘f*ck it’ , but I stopped caring what people thought of me. I didn’t care what people said because whatever they said, it didn’t matter. If you let words hurt you, then you will forever be in pain. From this moment, when I stopped caring what others thought, when I really couldn’t care what people had to say, I started to embrace being bisexual. I started to show my relationship off & I started to become a lot more confident in myself. People are always going to judge & bitch about you, it’s life. You can’t stop people talking, so if they’re going to talk about you, why not let them bitch about you being happy & your true self. I think over time, I learnt that being bisexual is who I am. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it makes me unique. As I’ve grown up, I’ve seen that your sexuality doesn’t define you, you make this life what you want it to be. The time I spent upset about my sexuality is time I can’t get back, but I can start today & live my life how I intend to.
Komal gupta @ Delhi
Hi every my lgbt friend I'm komal Gupta from Delhi I was male by birth but I'm completly female by my body my beware I wear female dress in night in wear bra panty reguller I teking female hormons reguller I like parmanantly female life my full body soft & hair free I have real breast I want join lgbt in Delhi plz help me
Natalie @ Unknown
The very first time I came out I texted my friend who was more like a sister. We’d been texting back and forth for about ten minutes, when I composed a long text explain that I was pansexual, what that meant, and not to share with my parents yet. She responded immediately, telling me she loved me for whoever I wanted to be and would stand up for me and keep my secret. The next day, pan pride day, I decided to tell my other three closest friends. I got them all together at the end of the day and just blurted it out. They were really happy for me and so supportive. A week or so later, I left my mother a note. She didn’t mention it until the next day on the ride to a volleyball tournament. She was cool, but I wish she didn’t question wether I really was pansexual.
Just the @ Tip
i was a girl in my whole life didnt know about my special spot. then i was raped while i was in middle school that awoke my mind that i need to be a boy so i wouldn't feel those rapist so i bought a dildo then i stitch it on my Vagina
Luv @ Pune
I fill I am a lightly gay ,coz I have attraction of boys, but I don't want be a part of gay. I can't control my fillings relative to boys ...I want simple life like other straight boys....
Chauhan sahil @ 3 rajasthan society
While coming out of the bank is saw a monkey walking menacingly
Carly @ London ont
Hello my name is Carly,im outgoing and really funny but now im gonna tell you my story back in 2013 my ex Best-friend (Katie) had a birthday party and she was like hey i know what game we can play spin the bottle so everyone had their turn and it was mine so i spin the bottle and it landed on my bestfriend Katie so i had to kiss her after we kiss she asked her and i was about to call my mom she asked id i wanna spend the night i was like sure why not and that night we made out and did something and that morning mom came to pick i waited until me and my mom got into the car and i said umm mom i gotta tell you something she said shoot for it Hunny bun so i said well me Katie kiss last night and did something else she looked at me and said you kiss your bestfriend and i think about 3 weeks later me and Katie talked and talked for hours and hangout and i think we went to the movies and started making out and about 6 days later Katie asked out so i think i texted my mom and told her i was gay
anonymous @ not saying
I'm a fourteen year-old bisexual, and genderfluid. I've yet to tell my family my gender, however, I am out as bisexual. I told my friends first, all of them were very supporting. I couldn't hardly tell my mom, I sat down one night on the couch next to her and she paused the TV. She looked at me and sighed. I mumbled, "Mom, I'm bisexual." She asked me to speak up, I said it again. She just stared at me and blinked, I scarcely stopped myself from crying. She blinked a couple more times and just looked at a loss for words. I asked her to say something, she told me she'd accept me no matter what. I was rocking back and forth on the couch, scared to death at her initial reaction. It got a lot of talk going about LGBT+ I was quite happy afterwards. She did ask why I was so scared to tell her. A few days later she asked if I was telling my dad. I walked downstairs and sat on his bed. I clutched pillow and my mom smiled encouragingly from the door. I looked at him, "Daddy, (whenever I'm scared I revert to childlike names and tendencies) I'm bisexual." I burst into tears. He gave the same reaction. He scolded me lightly for being nervous to tell them and I just cried a little more.
Giorgio @ Italy
Hello everyone, my Name is Giorgio, I'm 19 and I'm from Italy. I found out I was gay at 11 years old. I really liked one of my classmates (both phyiscally and romantically speaking), so, to "hide myself", I decided to fake out I liked a girl in my class (funny story: she's lesbian). At the age of 12/13 I had a relationship with one of my (female) friend. It lasted three days or so (funny story: she's bisexual). I decided to come out at 14 to one of my online friends. Then I got depressed. I went throw waves of pshycologist, pshychiatrist, judges, social assistents and a lot more therapists. I started to cut myself, thinking about suicide and all the worst things on my mind were happening: i felt alone, friendless, i hated my body, i hated myself. At 16, I met a boy online. We started dating and my dad knew about us. He was cool with it (i told him I was gay at 14). We broke up two months later and my mind said "ok, stop. You're not worth it". I decided to set up a timer: 30 days and I'll give up. I'll come back alone in my room. I went to talk to a psychologist about it to sign my promise. 25 days later I chatted online with a guy named Niccolò. I said to him I was searching someone for a serious relationship, not a sex time. He said "me too". I said "max 20 years" (yes, I was THAT cold). He said "I'm 20". So yeah, we met the day after. He was extremely cute, both phisycally and as a human being. We started dating. And to prove that you was right, are right and will always be right: that guy, two years later, is now my HUSBAND.
Codie @ New Zealand
Here I am , 23 years old surfing through YouTube , the net and searching looking for an identity. Only now have I found my true gender identity and it doesn't match the one I was born with. Looking in the mirror , my face, my chest, my hands , my body, my parts. Nothing feels right. All through my teens and 20's I felt an expectation to wear girly clothes and wear makeup to fit that mold, when really inside I am breaking . I want to be different I want to cut my hair ,go on T, grow facial hair , have top surgery,have bottom surgery and wear guys clothes and be accepted by my family/friends.
Hay @ Michigan
It was my 7th-grade year I had just turned 12, I was planning on coming out to all of my friends 1-by-1. I told my best friend first she seemed like she was fine with it, it the proceeded to me telling everyone in my friend group except the person I knew wouldn't be okay with it, Lily. I approached her by first talking about my gay cousin, she didn't seem to keen on talking about him though. so I abandoned the subject and instead asked her if she knew anyone gay, and she said no. So I told her she knew one actually. She then asked who and I told her me. She was a little surprised but seemed to be excited about it. A few days passed and it was lunch time, All of my friends were asking me if I had a crush on anyone, I reluctantly told them my crush. Being very nervous about admitting my crush I went to the bathroom the calm down and when I walked back into the lunch room everyone's conversations stop and they were all staring at me, I look over to my so-called "friends" and saw them all spread out whispering and snickering something to each lunch table. Not liking the attention I was getting I ran out of the lunchroom and back into the bathroom until lunch had ended. Once the bell rang I went and got my stuff for my next hour, as I was walking through the hallway and people were whispering about me to each other, I walked and listen to what they were saying. " I heard she's a lesbo, ew,", "Dude she's a lesbo we can turn her straight if we f*ck her hard enough," Get away from her you might catch something," Is all I heard as I walked to my next class. Just be for I walked into my class my best friend pulled me aside to tell me what happened, she told me that Lily somehow convinced everyone at our lunch table to tell everyone in the lunch room my crush. Which was horrible because I not only sat right next to my crush in this class we were working on a project together. I started crying, I walked away from my classroom and to the same bathroom I had previously hidden in. I stayed in there until the end-of-day bell went off. I gathered up my stuff and went to my bus. The next few year went but uneventful, I'm now in high school with a bunch of great friends who are fine with me being me.
Jason @ Eastwood
I am a police officer and felt that I had to hide my sexuality from my colleagues but it was noticed by several of them apparently soon after I started at my station. I soon became interested in another officer (Steven). Unbeknown to me he had been interested in me from the time I arrived. I have always had an interest in cottaging and would discretely pursue my "hobby" outside of the New Forest.
Michael @ Canyon,Texas
I'm 13 and trans. All my friends know I am, I officially came out to them. But with my family just knew. Well that's what my sister tells me. I have always been a tomboy until I realized I was trans. If I officially come out to my family I know they will disown me. I did come out to my mom but she makes me dress like a girl and not the way I want to. I can trust my mom just not my dad. He is a strict christian and that doesn't go well with my gender but I know I am going to have to come out one day.
Necola @ Nassau, Bahamas
Well I grew up in a Christian home so it was kinda hard as hell to say hey I'm a lesbian or even say I have feelings for first time to say I actually stepped out and say I'm gonna just be me was when I met a girl name shan OMG I was so in love my father found out first because she was constantly coming for me and I never was around guys....My father was supportive but my mother and her sisters were horrible......i kept on the low for a minute but I got tired....started fighting because I was angry in side..then one day I met this girl name Aveda OMG my ♥
Eastleigh @ England
If you need any assistance Eastleigh Council is sympathetic should you need to move away from your country or any council area in the UK because of such problems as harassment. Eastleigh Council is also able to give financial assistance if needed. Contact: [email protected]
Thomas Williams @ Upper Norwood
I have been gay all of my life but recently I have become "straight curious" in order to explore my new life-style I came out
Jana @ Egypt
I'm not Lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Or maybe I am and i haven't figured it out yet, all i know right now is that I'm a straight 15 year old girl. All my life i have fought for the rights of the LGBT members as human beings. Never for one moment have i thought of them any less than humans. I may not be a member of the LGBT community but i sure have been bullied and abused for my beliefs. Yet is till stand my ground, which is kinda hard to do when I'm a muslim, Egyption. Everything i fight for is against my religion and traditions. I started to doubt my own religion and culture, I mean why the hell would liking the same gender or the opposite gender matter? Why the hell would it be forbidden? I still stand my ground for everything I believe and I won't be backing down any time soon.
Bill Bernhard @ Houston, Texas
Hi there guys Bill Bernhard here coming out bi/gay here in Houston, Texas. I say bi/gay as I love having sex with both sexes. I love giving head while being ass fucked and I love orally pleasing a woman, making love to them and helping them bring their man to climax too. There is nothing better than making love to a man or men depending on the occasion. I love another man s warm body wrapped around mine and having that throbbing penetration over and over again. I was married twice to women and loved every minute of sex with them but the excitement I feel with a man cannot be beat. My first experience with gay sexual encounter was at the age of nine with a friend who was sleeping over of the same age. It was just caressing and that was that but it did spark my interest. At 12 a friend of mine approached me at school and asked if we could give each other a blow job so we did in the bathroom of the private school we were attending. That was also my fist kiss with another male. At thirteen my best friend of 14 asked if he could have anal sex with me and without hesitation I said yes. I never forgot those experiences but went on to live a normal Heterosexual life getting married having kids but never forgetting the homosexual urge out of within. It was not until my twenties during my first marriage that I had my first sexual encounter with another male. We made love for over an hour holding each other, kissing, enjoying oral sex and the pleasures of anal sex and from that point on I was hooked. Since then I have had countless sessions with bi couples, gay couples, gay group sex and of course one on one gay making love sessions. I still enjoy the company of women as well as men and that is why I consider myself both bi and gay at the same time. There is a lot more to tell but that will be another time. Bill Bernhard 1552 Wandering Trail Friendswood, Texas 77546 713-550-2842
Robert @ Taiwan
My senior in school one evening after class drama practice followed me in the changing room. We changed our stage costume in the room. Since my role in the drama is a princess, I have to remove my stage costume dress and the female inners. Suddenly my senior stood behind me and told me that I am beautiful. Before I did any respond, he hold my face and kissed on my lips. His tongue then went inside my mouth. I can't expressed my feeling in words. But it is good for my body turned hot. Me closed my eyes, enjoy the spooning he gave me, not realized that my costume fell on the floor.
Ali @ Staffordshire
I have put another story on about me being transgender. When I put that story on I hadn't really come out except from to one of my friends and my Mum. Now pretty much everyone I know knows i'm transgender. I have been referred to a gender clinic in london to discuss my options. I do have a crush on a girl on my school and although to me it's a boy liking a girl, to everyone else it's a girl liking a girl. I have had a crush on the same girl for ages so I'm used to liking her. One of my friends has known about my crush for as long as I have but all of my other friends have only just found out. I was scared that my friends might be confused but I was quite confident that they would be ok. It was just how to say it that I was worried about. It was fine though as my friends were all accepting and they treated me as if nothing happened which is what I want. It was a little awkward at first but it soon changed.
Juliette @ California
my first crush was a girl in kindergarten. I was never really aware I was "gay" until last year. Gay was not in my vocabulary when I was young, like I knew that I liked girls, but I never really... processed it, I didn't know I was different. When I turned 9 I had a crush on a girl named Kendal, it was then when I started to realize I was different. I got teased and had no friends. Eventually I went through a depression. I became suicidal. When I told my mom I wanted to kill myself, her sympathy lasted 2 days. I was teased and laughed at by my entire family except for my older sister Rebekah. Since then I kept to myself. I was scared to share any of my secrets with anyone except my sister for fear of being bullied again. I turned 12 and Rebekah and I became less and less close due to my depression and introvert behavior, but she is still close enough to me for me to tell her stuff. I came out to my sister when I was 13. I told her I though K stew was hot. She wasn't surprised and was glad she did not have competition with her crush on a boy. My sister told me to tell my mom soon at least. I did not want to tell her being that she is pretty religious, I believe in god and follow him but... youknow. So one day I was having a panic attack in the bathroom (they happen a lot) but anyway, my mom found me and comforted me. I then not really thinking, told her. She was pretty supportive and I was glad for that. One day my mom got mad at me... and when she got mad at me she yells and screams and insults and then spills all the secrets she promised not to tell about. So basically everyone found out in the worst way possible. My little sister is okay with me being gay, she is too young to understand it fully though. My brother still doesn't exactly believe me. But I guess he will have to face the facts one day. My dad... idk if he knows... sooooo...?
Male73 @ Unknown
I haven't come out yet, being in high school and having a busy life. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, I'm not seeing anybody so why should I need to? Why should people need to come out and say that they arn't straight? Well they do because we're a minority but that's what's holding me back, I live in a very accepting area with an understanding family and friends but I think the problem is that I don't think I have accepted being gay. For a long time I just admired men thinking it was normal, I didn't really realize I was at first but then it hit me, I love men. And I still think, months later, that I'm not ok with that, I'm not ok with who I am, not because I'm homophobic (I'm not) but because I don't want to live with a burden, I don't want to live with people disliking me for who I like. I don't want to adopt or use an artificial way of conceiving my children. I'm a very peculiar person in general and finding someone that I could be with for the rest of my life without factoring in that less than half the population is even of the right sexual orientation. It terrifies me, that's why I won't come out. At least not anytime soon. I've considered telling one friend to have someone to talk to but what if they betray me? I can't live with that now. I have so much creativity, inspiration and ambition, I want to write my book, I want to die my hair, I want to be important but I fear too my what people will think of me, my family, they're probably some of the most accepting people I'll ever meet but I still can't so I change my book, I don't die my hair and I keep my dreams modest I don't know what's wrong with me Why I can't just do it I tried researching about gay men, "what does science know?" I found out it could be evolutionary, that we aren't mistakes because if we were we would already be extinct, that it's probably determined in the womb. But it didn't help. I kept denying I was gay, the fact that I had a girlfriend helped but when she dumbed me it hit me hard, when she ended it, our bond, our trust. I couldn't breathe, all I wanted was to hug her, for this pain to be over but I resisted opening my arms, I wanted to tell her, to yell it out, but she had betrayed our love. (She had no idea I was gay) after we talked a bit I realized she had done the right thing, love had to go both ways and somehow I had learned to love her, for her. I wasn't attracted to what she looked like, it was who she was. Anyways once it settled in I felt the pain, scientists are pretty sure heartbreaks cause real pain, and long term (depending on the person) and I felt it alright, I couldn't stop thinking about her, every song, every painting, every image, every person, reflected her, I was broken. But now I understand it wasn't just that I was heartbroken, she had been my shield to hide from the fact that I was gay but now she had left me exposed to the truth, and I couldn't cope with that. But I feel better after 5 months and I feel like i could try to talk to someone.
Anonymous @ Unknown
I came out to my BEST friend who is VERY accepting. She said she doesn't know why people make a big deal about their kids being gay/bi/trans. I then came out to my friend who is accepting, and went the same way when I told my best friend. I told my mom who thought that I was too young to know my sexuality, in which I told her that no one says that to the heterosexual teen my age. Those are the only people I have told. BTW I am a lesbian
Gage @ U.S.A. UT
When I told my mom I was pansexual about four years ago she told me my sexuality doesn't exist. That doesn't stop me from knowing that is me. When I told her I'm transgender..suddenly I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, and her female pronoun usage become a lot larger than normal. She started asking me if I want purses and bought me a very feminine watch. The feminine things wouldn't bug me if I didn't know she believes boys shouldn't have those things. It's hard. A lot of my friends know I'm transgender, but I'm not allowed to be public about it, or don't feel like I can because of my mother. I plan to come out as soon as I'm 18 but the closer June gets the more frightened I get.
Andy @ Delaware
I was raised by very far right, evangelical christian parents who would always say things like Gay people are wrong,broken, abominations, need to be fixed etc. I knew i was always different but realized why at around 12-13 and i vividly remember my Mom saying " if you turn out gay, i will consider you a disappointment as a son and myself a failure as a mother and you will no longer be welcome in my home." I remember how scared i was of my own shadow and would never let anyone get close for to long in fear they would find out about me. it lead to some dark times in my life and i decided at 23 to join the military in order to get away from all that. i ended up struggling with suicidal thoughts and alcoholism to a point to wear my best friend had to tell are superiors that i was struggling. I very shortly there after started seeing someone and came out to my best friend and slowly started coming out to everyone and i recently came out to my mom who has not spoken to me since.
anonymous @ iraq
Dear reader i'm 26 year old gay male , i live in iraq which automatically categorizes most people that lives there as "Muslim" even if they don't have any religious views !and here in our culture if you are single then you have to live with your parents and not move out .... i am proud and ok with being gay but as you might have guessed i haven't come out yet and don't plan to as long as i'm in this retarded country since here they view homosexuality as a sin , here a gay individual is seen as a defective product and if you are from a religious family like i am they will think that you are possessed by the devil and will tell you to pray hard so that god may show mercy on you and drive him out ! here having a gay family member will turn that person in to a stain on the family's reputation , which forces some families in to killing their own flesh and blood or worse disowning them ..... unfortunately this kind of rotten way of thinking has embedded itself in the minds of the new generations too thus it makes it nearly impossible to come out to your friends or even trust your friends enough to try to come out which is one of the reasons i haven't come out to them even though i have dropped hints to some of the close ones to me but maaan they are so dull and thick skinned that they can't seem to pick it up,,, , the worst thing of not coming out to anyone is that you won't have anyone to share your emotional burden with, you will slowly but surely start to wither from within & you will feel alone most of the time ,you see your peers get in to relations and get married and this will make you jealous of how free they are , you may even see the guy you had a crush on get in to a relationship with a girl and this feels pretty much like a punch to your heart,,these days most of the times i feel so small so faint and feel like there is a pair of dark hands clutching my heart .... now you may be saying " god this guy is a coward" but trust me i don't fear what coming out would do to me but i fear what it would do to my mom and dad as they have always been kind to me and i don't want to tell them i'm something something they don't understand and will never won't to understand ,, even though they are highly educated people but still religion has seeped far enough in to their mind that they don't view homosexuality favorably.... i guess i'm writing on this site as a way to let some of the pent up emotions out ,.... but if you were in the same position as i am now , if you lived in a country where practically everyone thought being gay is unnatural and shouldn't exist what would you do ?
Em @ Idaho
So, one day while sitting at the kitchen table reading George, my mom walked in, and I was like, "Hey mom, I'm gay" She was like, "no you're not." I turned back to my book. "You're right. I'm pansexual."
CHIRAG @ Gosar
When I was 17 years old, I fell in love with one guy. I was so innocent to even recognise the difference that being guy I fell for guy and not girl. I think that innocence helped me to come out to my mom that I am gay and I can only fall in love with a guy. "Still it's too early to decide anything" said by my mom. And she took a chance to see with age. After that when I completed my post graduation , I decided to go to Canada and then I told my younger brother about me being gay and the decision why I chose to go Canada and settle there. Unfortunately, I couldn't settle there and I came back to India. I started with my own coaching business and was earning well. Meanwhile we took our own flat, and hence now the expectations from my family for marriage arised. This is the time when someone suggested me to get open up. One thing which I still remember of some one is unless you won't be true , "how can you expect people to be true ". It was then I decided to open up about my sexuality to everyone. I told my parents that I m not able to fall in love with a girl and hence it's not possible for me to survive the whole life with her. My parents allowed me to be on my own and take decision according to my comfortability.
Miriam @ Norway
i´ve technically not come out yet, but i accidentally came out to my friend once because she said something about bisexuality and i went "same". i also came out to my friend and a few of her friends as bi when we played truth or dare and she asked if anyone had had feelings for the same gender. turned out almost everyone on the group was part of lgbt so it made it easier for me. turned out my friend is pansexual lmao. both of my friends were really cool with it, and no one made a big deal out of it, which was what i was afraid of.
Add y Mac @ Peru IL
It all started when I was having dreams. I would go to sleep in real life and wake up ( in the dream) and see that I am naked. Then I look next to me and see a blond pretty girl next to me, also naked. I fell in love. Then I was in danger. And she saved me. I woke up and realized that I like girls. Then ever night for a week I would dream of girls. The important thing is that I am happy. And that is all that matters.
Alexander burnett @ Scotland U.K
I was 13 years old when I fell in love with a friend I was so afraid to tell him I was in love with him for a long time I hid my feelings and tried to to keep my self hiding away as I got older the feeling went away and started to stick to girls and lived a straight life for many years I know I was not gay as I liked male and females that's when I knew I was bisexual I started to experiment with sex toys but still kept my life away from friends and family as I was terrified of what every one would say and of being beaten up at school soon as I turned sixteen I became a father I come out about my self when I was 28 years old I told my mother and she said she already knew then I got the courage to tell my younger brother that was scary as he is a military man and very homophobic at the time he said he also knew as he went through my phone and read all my text messages but that what happens when you for get to pick up your phone when you leave there room
PJ @ london,england
I was 8 years old when I kissed my first girl. We had been best friends since nursery and I knew my feelings for her weren't just friendly. It was shortly after I had experienced a tragic even in my life, I was raped by another student in the older year. My friend helped me through that so much and I thought she felt the same. So me being the impulsive person I am, kissed her in this little forest area next to our school. She responded terribly, slapped me, shouted at me, ended our friendship and from then on started to bully me along with the majority of our classmates. I began to hear things and see things a lot and started to become very suicidal attempting to kill myself 7 times in total. When I was 10 years old, she moved country. This was probably the happiest day of my life because as soon as she left, the bullying subsided. The voices were still there though. I hadn't told my parents bout anything, the school were too worried for their appearance to tell my parents they allowed a student to get raped. It was extremely hard for a 8 year old going onto 9 to not be able to speak to my parents about everything but they didn't care anyways. I was still bullied by a few people, the occasional 'fag' or 'dyke' thrown around but I began to beat up the people who called me that. Causing the teachers to dislike me even more. I left primary school on a bad note but luckily no one I knew was going to my secondary school. A fresh start. No more falling for girls, fighting, attempting to die. 5 months into the school year and I already failed. I met my now best friend Tyler who was an open pansexual (FtM transgender) guy. He opened my eyes in so many ways and I really love the fact I met him. When we first met he wasn't openly transgender and I didn't know what I identified as. Soon we became really close and helped each other understand ourselves. I now identify as a genderfluid, gay (I only like girls so I guess sorta straight when I am a guy?? I don't fully get it but I'm trying) person. My parents found out near the end of yr 7 when I was 12. It was a school morning and it was really bad. They beat me and made me read bible passages till it was time to go to school. They said they didn't care about gay people and they will never support me. they told me it was a 'phase' and blamed my friends for my 'openness'. I got pissed and punched my mum in the face for talking about my friends like that. Which resulted in more beatings. I went to school with more cuts on my arms than I ever gave to myself. My parents were definitely not accepting. I told my friends and Tyler and the others comforted me as best as they could but I guess I always knew my parents wouldn't accept it.
jen @ philippines
im bisexual at di ako confused nagkagf na rin ako kaso hirap ako sa family ko gawa ng nag out ako sa papa then di ako tanggap idk kung dipa or dina talaga and kay mama diko pa sinasabi kase ayaw nya sa gantong mga gender ang tanging nalalapitan ko nalang ngayon si god kase ang hirap.
Pearl @ Austria
I was 11 years old when I started questioning my sexuality and gender. I was a tom boy ever since I can remember but I never thought of transitioning. I talked a lot to my parents because I have two dads. SCORE! So I guess when I was 12 I realized I did not fit in any gender and I was just non-binary. Yup that is moi
Pearl @ Austria
I was 11 years old when I started questioning my sexuality and gender. I was a tom boy ever since I can remember but I never thought of transitioning. I talked a lot to my parents because I have two dads. SCORE! So I guess when I was 12 I realized I did not fit in any gender and I was just non-binary. Yup that is moi
Kevin @ Tennessee
My story begins when I was a small child, 6 or 7 maybe. I remember I was somewhere with my mom and my sister and I mentioned a boy being good looking, my mother told me that boys didn't say that about other boys, so I left it at that and never said it again, but the feelings didn't change. At that age I didn't know I was gay, I just knew I liked the way some men looked as well as some women. As I got older, into my teen years I realized that I had an attraction to men. I worked in a restaurant and had a coworker that I really liked, but he wasn't gay. As I got a little older, I started to date girls which was okay, I liked girls too. When I was 16, I met the woman I would call my wife one day and she would also be the mother of my two children. We got married right out of high school and had our daughter almost immediately. As I approached my early 20s the feelings for men only got stronger, and I had a son on the way. I loved my wife but I needed something else. I finally told her that I was gay and I loved her with all my heart but we could no longer be married. She tried her best to be supportive and caring, but I knew the hurt she was going through and I would never do that to anyone else, which is why I relate as gay now instead of bisexual. After 10 years of marriage we were divorced. I was free to be myself, but I still couldn't come out to my family. I did tell some of my close friends. I lost my best friend because I was gay, it got out at work and I became so miserable and depressed because it was nothing but rumors, if it had all been true it would have been different. I left that job to work at a restaurant as a manager for about two years, then I went to barber school. my life was starting to come together, I was happy and working on a new career. I had full custody of my kids and a nice house and new vehicle. Once I finished school I began work in a small barbershop in a small town where again being gay is just not accepted so easily. Once again I was becoming very depressed and I got to the breaking point. I had to come clean and be myself. I told my sister who was supportive which was great, a few months later I made the decision to tell my parents. My mom actually, I cant tell my dad, he knows, but I couldn't do it. when I told my mom I was an emotional wreck. I told her I couldn't love to please others anymore, I had tried all my life to not be gay, I told her it was not a choice and that my marriage was never a lie, I did love my wife lwith all my heart and I still love her and she knows that. I told my mother that I was gay. those were the hardest words ive ever had to say. She told me that she would never judge me, and asked if there was someone that I wanted to be with, I told her that I had a friend that I haven't officially dated but I wanted to and I wanted to opportunity to find love again and we left it at that. Later that same night my daughter and I went to get some food and it was just the two of us and I asked her if she was ok with me dating again. she said she was, so then I asked how would you feel if I dated a man? she said she wouldn't care at all, that she loves me no matter what. I cant begin to tell you what a weight was lifted off my chest to know that I had my mothers, sisters and daughters support. I have some more people to tell but that is a nice start.
Mars @ Orange
Hey. My name’s Molly, but I like to go by Mars. (To clarify, i use they/them pronouns! ☺️) Ever since I was little, I grew up in a easy going church. People there were very laid back but centered their life on God. I was never really like that. Yeah, I said hymns and participated, but I never felt... connected. I played with boys, weared old tee shirts, and thought girls were gross. On the other hand, I also I never considered myself as one of the boys I played with, just some weird tomboy that liked to play baseball with them. This stuck with me until my freshman year of high school . Here’s the thing: I loved theatre and musicals, and as most of you know, those things are known as “gay”. In 7th grade, I was labeled as a gay at school, and the tomboyish attitude I had made it so much worse. “Big fat les””dyke” “She probably kisses girls on her lunch break” “Theatre nerds are so strait compared to her!” Despite the horrendous attitues of my classmates and colleges, I joined a musical club a while away from my home. This. Was my real home. So many people with the same experiences were there and filled a room full of laughs, and show tunes, smiles and friendships that were so incredibly strong it amazed me. It was the first time I felt true exceptance and I could be who I was. At TMR, the theatre group, we started auditions. I was cast as a lead, but a male lead. You wouldn’t beleive my dad’s face when I came home. He thought it went against “Gods law” to be the opposite gender. During this time, I started to explore the gender spectrum. When I told him about my role, I felt the most betrayed than I’ve ever been. But, the show went very well and everyone came; even my dad. Later on, well, I will admit I kinda egged it on to my father. We started a new season and it was time for auditions. This was about a year after the first boy casting incident, so I had sort of let it go, but wasn’t sure if he still felt that way toward me. I decided to test him. “Hey dad! Will you help me with my lines?” “Sure kid, what’da got?” “Ok. So you read for Mr. Banks, and I’ll read for Micheal.” “Wait... you’re reading for a boy?!” “Yeah... why not? He sings perfect songs in my range and I can act him well!” “But.. it’s a boy!” “So?” “Ugh. Practice on your own” Test: failed. It didn’t matter in the end though, I was cast as a woman in the show. But a sort of miracle happened! We got to met the new cast for the show, and I saw someone I had never met at the rehearsal studio. His name was Quinten. I didn’t know at the time, but he was transgender, the first I’d ever met outside in the real world. He was so nice and kind! He eventually became my really good friend. We’d talk about everything pretty much. This helped me to discover my gender, a non binary. I came out to my mom, and she wasn’t excepting. She thinks it’s a phase, and that’s ok. I’ve yet to come out to my dad (I’m so scared of him it’s crazy). My huge family of aunts and cousins all are very accepting of me and gave me a comforting place to grow. My message to you is, You’re home doesn’t have to be where you sleep at night. Where you feel love? That is your home.
Matias @ Gold Coast
My story's one that might bring a smile to your heart, it was a few weeks after my graduation from High School and I had those few months of freedom before starting my diploma in Photography, I was really questioning my sexuality and I thought "You know what would be a good idea? Going on Tinder and trying to meet a boy and seeing how it goes" Haha, it made me think "Do I really wanna try this and commit to it?" I met him. the boy I fell for, I won't ever forget his amazing green eyes, his beautiful hair, and most of all his smile. He brought me self esteem, confidence and a new view of the world, one where I could be who I wanted to be without fear of what others thought, I remember we used to play a game of Truth or Dare everyday before we went to bed. He'd go on a 3 and a half hour train for me and I'd meet him in the mornings everytime off the bus and I remember one time I dared him to grab hold of me and everytime another man passes he had to go "Mine!" Hahah, anyway one time he stayed at mine and we got too frisky, he left me with a set of 3 hickies on my collarbone and these were the bane of my existence because of how well he was able to give them. Haha, anyway skip forward 2 weeks and they still hadn't faded, my brother-in-law came into my room for some smalltalk, ya know nothing outta the ordinary, anyway he saw my hickies because of my singlet (It was summer) and a good half hour later I get a text message from my sister "Who gave you those hickies and what the f**k is their name!?" I told her "Hey remember ****, my friend who's been coming around every few days and I've been spending a lot of time with?" Yeah from there it was a downhill and I had little time to tell my parents, they took it well, I told my mother as we sat outside taking in the beautiful sunset from our backyard, listening to ABBA, her reaction to take the usual safe sex story and I laughed. I told my father and he laughed, for a little while he thought it was a joke. I didn't mind that, my friends knew it immediately. In the end my story with him didn't end well, he told me his stay in Australia was limited and I knew this, he got my hopes up when he said he might stay but I knew it was him trying to let me down easy, I knew it could never work and I loved him, I have never used that word lightly and do not take it like a word that should be used as any other. I say I love you when I truly mean it and I told him, ever after he moved away, never have I met someone so perfect and never will. Such things aern't meant to last unfortunately but I look back on it and I cannot think of any other way it could have gone any better.
Tahnee @ cranbourne
so i have always thought i was a bit different from all of my friends that were girls because we would all walk around and they would be checking the boys out and then our guy mates would come along and check out the girls and i always found myself looking at the girls not the guys. I never knew that there was such thing as being gay until my sister came home and said that she was dating a girl. i then started asking questions and realized that i was a lesbian. It took me a while to accept it and keep going with my life but i got there. I honestly feel so much better than holding it in after coming out. I have had quite a few girlfriends since i came out and one being my last before my current. It was a bad relationship and it was toxic. I was abused physically and verbally. It got to the point where i was that scared i didn't even want to leave my house but i also didn't want to break up with her because she scared me but i loved her. This turned the whole thing around. i was afraid of girls until i met the love of my life that i am currently with now. she turned my world upside down and even made my mum start to believe that i could find happiness in a girls heart. my mum wasn't very supportive on the whole gay thing but i think since i have got my new partner everything has gotten a whole lot better. i got bullied at school for coming out as gay and i struggled a lot. i ended up getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety. which i still suffer from now but my partner pulled me out of a whole that i was stuck in deep.
Shaun @ Canada
Hi, I'm Shaun. I'm 16 and I was born and raised in Canada. I realized that I started liking guys around the age of 11, but I didn't accept that I was gay until I was 14. During elementary school, I would mostly hang out with the girls, rather than hanging out with other boys. I started getting "gay", "fag" among other homophobic slurs in grade 2. In grade 4 and 5, I was seriously bullied everyday because people thought I was gay and just hated me because of it. I attempted suicide 3 times during that time period, as I had started to believe what the bullies were saying to me. In grade 6, I started living a lie, hiding all things that people may think were gay. It sadly worked and the bullying stopped. However, it didn't make me feel any better knowing that I was living a lie to everyone and between grade 7 and 8, I attempted suicide 4 times, usually ending in me forcing myself at the last minute to stop from jumping or someone in my family coming home. In my freshman year of high school, I still acted very straight around other people that I didn't know or didn't have a great relationship with, but I could actually be myself around my friends. In grade 10, I decided to come out to my best friend at the time, lets call her Jen. Then in the winter of the same year, I came out to my other extremely close friends, lets call them Gia and Kevin. I thought it was going to be very easy after I came out to others. However, during an argument I had with Jen during the summer between grade 10 and 11, she threatened to out me to my parents and the whole school. I cut her out of my life that day. I also noticed that ever since coming out to Jen, Gia and Kevin, I was treated different, it was like our whole friendship had changed. Whenever I would ask them about it, they would get offended and angry at me. Soon after and earlier this year (2 months ago), Gia exited my life after I found messages of her bashing me behind my back. I confronted her about it and she said she never sent them, then she acted like the victim, blaming me and blaming that because I told her I was gay, she was lying to everyone and that she stopped caring about our friendship months ago. Kevin and I don't talk as much as we used to. I feel alone. I've told 2 others but they were way to drunk to even remember. That was before Jen and Gia left my life in the way they did. I'm afraid to trust anyone else. As for my parents, I have no idea when it's going to happen. In my family there has always been a negative undertone in my family about any part of the LGBTQ+ community. I'm afraid that my parents will kick me out. I love my family so much, but it's hard to come out to people who make negative comments about the LGBTQ+ community. I have no one to talk to these things about, and no one would even understand. I've recently began noticing that I'm not eating, but some days I don't even care. This just proves that even in 2017, it's hard to come out still. Surround yourself with people who actually care and will be with you through thick and thin.
Hilary @ Wilmington, Delaware
I came out when I was a teenager, I think I was about 13 or 14. My dad told me not to talk about it and it was just a phase. My mom asked me what I wanted for dinner and when I looked confused she said it wasn't a big deal if I wanted to date a girl. My mom said I should date whom ever I wanted to as long as they treated me well.
T.Mohan Reddy @ Puri,Odisha,India
Aaron @ Missouri, USA
I am a currently almost 15, gay male. When I was in the middle of eighth grade I came out as bi seeing as I was in a relationship with a girl but had feelings for a guy at the same time. Then we broke up, as young couples do, and I met my best friend Sophie on October 5 2016. After a few weeks of living the single "bi" life i finally decided to tell Sophie that I was gay. She of course took it great and then proceeded to tell me that she was no and we just had a lot of hella gay fun. Then I got bold and decided to tell my parents, knowing that my mom and rest of my family was homophobic. So I told them and they told me that it was just my teenage hormones flowing and that God would never create someone like this, which I then responded to that with, "THEN WHY DID HE? I LIKE BOYS!" . Then she said that she was getting me counseling. That was in December. In January i started going to the "pray the gay away" counseling. I convinced them that I was now straight and they believed me. Until they found gay Stuff on a Snapchat that I wasnt supposed to have. They have now started me back up in counseling on Tuesdays at 4 and I kinda wanna die. Because of the stress from the age of 12 coming from not knowing who I was or what was "wrong" with me i know have extreme anxiety and depression. I struggle with wanting to die whenever I am around my family and having to lie to people i love and wanting to live around my friends at school where I can be as gay as I want. sorry for the novel lol
emily @ australia
so ive recently come out lesbian and no one but my sister took it well but before I came out I had decided I'm moving out when I'm 17 which is old enough on my parents part and after while I made friends but being homeschooled it's hard I'm only 13 until June 2018
shubham @ noida sector 44
before two years i did going in temple in own village daily but one day my fare nabourhood meet me and he is telling me how are you I say i am fine he say shubham chauhan both are wondring in ground but i did say this i am not going in park but he was requesting so i agree and i was going but he going in own home in top flour both are starting in gay panti or after some time he is say that matter of my friend and i fell very samly
Lucas @ No thanks
Hi, I'm Lucas. I'm a FTM. I have yet to tell my parents, and I am extremely young. I was born loving the color pink until age 6. I started wearing blue and shorts instead of dresses. At age 7, I started hating my body and I never felt right with my name. Someone once accidently called me sir, and I liked it. At at 8, I started using the nickname "Skye" since I was scared people would call me a freak. Age 9 was difficult, school was hard and I hated myself deeply. I once made a deep scar. Now at age 10, I go to a school where this is a girls gym and a boys gym. At the beginning of gym, we all go in one gym and they split the boys and girls in the bleachers. I sit on the boys side, and many boys will scream and shove me telling me to go to the girls side. One of my good friends, who I will refer to as J for his privacy, started telling everyone I was a new student and my name was Lucas. Some people who were annoyed about people yelling at me would argue with the people who screamed at me. One boy, who I will refer to as D, pulled off my hat multiple times and I turned around and slapped him. He has called me a freak multiple times. My self esteem is low and I'm scared my parents will hate me if I come out. They are christians, so I'm scared how they will react. I know my friends accept me, and I don't think I'm ready to come out to my parents, but I'm young and I am transgender. I am a female to male transgender. I am Lucas, and no one will ever change that.
Aelondark @ Brazil
My name is Aelondark, i live with my family in Brazil and that is my story: I believe i found out tha i was gay when i was in my teens, around 13 or 15, before that i used to feel i was diferent from the other boys, i did not like to play football with them. back at that age i remember my real passion was performing the spice girls with the 5 gilrs i most love in the world. during my whole childhood i had no problems about my raimbow ways to act, the real dark thing came at my 17. i met the guy who i would love forever then i also realized that my family could be able to do the most cruel things ever like kick me out of my home carrying nothing but the clothes i was wearing. that was hard times i gone through and i don't like to talk about it because it still hurts. now i am 28 years old, and after conquer my own money, buy my own house, lost my greatest love of all, and see love can come and go by so much different ways as there are star above the sky, me and my family decided to try live and love 2ghether, but this time with no lies or fake happyness.
Lynn @ Usa
I'm a lesbian, but I'm also a Mormon. My entire religion is based off of the concept that marriage is only supposed to be between a man and a woman, but I don't agree with it anymore. I've been raised believing in these things, so I don't know what to do. I've only come out to my best friends, and I couldn't come out to anyone else without losing all of my friends and family.
Mithrandir @ Turkey
When I was 8 or 9 year old I was kinda noughty!you know straight ppl usually satisfy their curiasity with oposit sex,but I tried it with my friend.He was my's obviouse we couldn't do anything...sexualy...but we tried it anyway! His father found out and told everything to my father was a military man.he took me to an unfinished biulding.grabed me like a ship.put a knife on my neck and threatened to kill me if I do it again.I had no idea what's going on.I was just crying.when I was 10 my parents seperayed.I was living with my mom.....hmmmm.....sorry.....I guess I had scape a few years in my story! cuz it might be boring for you! when I was 16 I fell in love with my classmate.but I felt shame.I was muslim.I thought I'm a sinner.I didn't know anything about sexual orientation or sexual identity.I'm from Iran.being gay is a crime! I learn everything from internet.then I felt releaved!I wasn't crazy or pervert.I was just gay.I couldn't go to university cuz I was gay! the mullah who interviewed me said I'm too sisy! I had to serve in militery to become a man! I isolated my self for 10 years.I didn't went outside the house if it wasn't one knew anything about my sexual orientation till I scaped my country.I comitted suicide 3 times.2 time I was kinda unfortunetaly I didn't succeed.I'm a musician.......the first person who found out about me was my elder sister.she said I'm sick!I had to go back to Iran.she didn't talked to me younger sister said it's your life.......your body not mine.she loves me anyway.I LOVE mom asked if I'm really sure....I said yes...she didn't talk about it since brother....I have no idea if he I live as refugee in Turkey.Trump travel ban ruined my life...more than left leg needs back has problem too.I'm bipolar.I can't know life is fucked up.I do't know what to do.if you can think of anything that might help call me!!!!!! 00905537482267
hi @ not gonna list it
sorry im just testing if this works
Tommy Boudreau @ Spartanburg SC
First I came out to my parents and I wasn't worried because they are both Transgender. I came out as Pansexual and Transgender. I am currently 15 and I am a MtF and my boyfriend is an FtM. So anyway my parents said they already knew and thanked me for my honesty. Then I decided i was going to come out to my whole school. But i was going to "take it slow". The next day i went to school with a short skirt a t-shirt that says "I am proud to be me", leggings, and six inch stilettos. I got a lot of hate on me that day. But nothing really bad happened to me because i had ALL of the girls in the school by my side. After a while they kind of stopped. But I still get the occasional "faggot" label thrown at me. But i learned what other people say shouldn't effect anyone.
Anonymous @ Anonymous
So I decided to come out to my best friend (at the time of writing this he is the only person to know) I'm a male who is 18 and bisexual. I knew he'd be fije with it which is why I chose to tell him over anyone else. I did it over text and he was super supportive.
Stephanie @ UK
Dear LGBT Story I wondered if I could send you my petition to show you what has happened to me from my gender surgery. (you may need to have a UK postcode) If you could offer any help, please can you let me know. Any help with signing would be so appreciated too. I need to get this into the media and hope you can advise. Kind regards Stephanie
Kara @ Usa
My mom snooped around on my phone and found out I had a girlfriend. She made me break up with her, but told me she accepted me which was a lie. Every time I say I don't find a guy hot she gets mad at me. She also tells me that I should ask certain guys out for having basic human decency. She also made me scared of the fact that I'm a lesbian, and won't let me tell any family members because it's embarrassing.
Idk.. help @ far away
I don't want to come out, and I know I don't have to. I'm scare and don't know who to talk to.
Erin @ United Kingdom, UK
Here’s a rant, so be prepared. At the age of 11, I started thinking about my sexuality. At first, I didn't have any thoughts about the LGBTQ+ community; I had no clue about being bi or lesbian, or any of the other genders. So, I decided to experiment, like every school girl my age was doing. I started dating a boy from my year, but I didn't feel anything special. I then dated another boy, I did start to feel something, but nothing happened. I broke up with him. I then started researching up other genders, and taking tests about being lesbian and bi. A few years pass, I'm now nearly 13. There was this girl who I have liked for the past few months. I had found out that I might like girls as well as boys, maybe more. So, I then dated another boy, I had just a few months before I turned 13, but then something happened. I don’t know how, but I always had this butterfly feelings with this guy, but then it all disappeared. My parents no none of my boyfriend’s I’ve had in the past. I guess I was just experimenting? So, my broke off. No one had known that I had a boyfriend during those years, I had boyfriend’s from different schools who I was with, but it made them sad that I couldn’t be like other couples naturally. I was single, and now in year 9, and my teenage thoughts had begun. Jeez, that’s sounds like a cheesy ‘growing up’ movie. Blargg. So, I started listening to LGBTQ+ music in secret, making sure I wouldn’t be just saying that I was gay, and then being straight again. So, I had been 13 for about 3 months now, and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been having my eyes on this girl for a while, but when I was young, I didn’t know if this was just a friend thing, or something else. But, my mind was a baby back then, so I assumed nothing of it and just carried on. But now, I think I may be BI or lesbian. But, LES-BI-HONEST. Ba dum tsshhh. And, that I have had feelings about this girl. I just don’t know what to do. I’m awkward with a conversation with her, and I have no clue on what to do when I have prepared myself to talk to her. I think I may be a lesbian.
precious @ Nigeria
am a 19 years old boy,when my parents found out that i was gay,my father withdrew every right and privilege i have as a member of the family and then,he disowned me,even threaten me that if he see my picture online,that i will not just be arestted but will serve 14yrs imprisonment according to my countries law.since then,i have been staying with a friend,speaking up for gay right in social media through my facebook account #precious jones with 2 apple as profile fearless and want to be a voice for gay people in Africa but first,i want to look for money and rent my own apar tment.all my fellow brothers who wa
Neha @ Agra
I had a friend circle of 13 gals in high school, we all were like inseparable we all used to hang out together every time & are the most notorious group, I ws the one who comes up with all the pranks. I'm a hardcore tomboy. I used to have crush on many females (teachers & class mates) I had this one gal in group whom i dnt know much until we were properly introduced to each other 5 years in a gathering on 2nd oct. 2010. The way she treated me was so special that i gradually started falling in love with her. We started as frends & ended up having an silent affair. Then I told her abt my feeling & she accepted me as i'm. She identifies herself as straight but i always doubted that with the way she treats me with love & care, she call it friendship but it seemed much more then a friendship. She had many affairs with random guys in duration of our relation, later I considered this as 1 sided love & allowed her to have fun with her part time relations. I came out to my friends when she hooked up in arrange marriage & one day I got a call frm her ex-bf telling me abt the betrays she did behind my back. I went in depression after hearing the story of her having plenty of sexual relation with random guys & betraying me saying she has no bf nymore after starting affair with me 1.5 year back. I got soo depressed that I started telling ppl abt the reason of my depression & this ws my coming out story.
Nikki @ Quezon City, Philippines
In my 20years in this world, I thought I was straight. Studying so hard for myself and to my family, coming out with friends sort of typical girl. My parents is both activist. One day I met a boy name Joshua (not his real name) he's a Police here, he confess his feelings that he loves me. So, he courted me for a year then were together. A year passed I met a girl name Maxine (not her real name), we met at a bar here in Quezon City. I know that she's a bisexual, we've been a good friend. She knows that I relationship with Joshua. Month passed I waked up that I fell for Maxine, but how? She is a girl I'm confused, all of this does not happen it can't be I'm not a Lesbian I don't want. I have a bisexual friends name Jhay and Elijah (not their real name). I'd tell them what's happening to me, I know that they know what I feel. They said that I'm a Bisexual too. I'm not convinced, so I decided to search what's the meaning of bisexual then feel what I really feel. Bisexual is attracted to both sexes (physical, romantic and sexual). That time I don't know what to do. I'm scared in my partner because he's a police. I'm scared in my family too, what will they say that I'm a bisexual. But my friends are always on my back supporting me. They said that I need to tell this to my family first, so I did. The second one is tell to Joshua what I am.
Veronica @ Australia
So, I knew something was a little different about me ever since I was about, perhaps 10 years old? I had no idea about what exactly LGBT+ was at the time, let alone what exactly "gay" was, other than the fact that many boys at my school used it as an insult towards one another. As I got a bit older, when I was 11 and 12 years old, I began to really really enjoy Japanese yaoi anime and manga - yaoi being a genre of sorts which means boy x boy, aka BL (Boy Love). And well, something was just super appealing about it and back then, I didn't know quite what it was. As I entered high school, in Year 7, I learnt more and more from school during health classes, and now being in an all girls school, it gave me a different kind of confidence in myself which I never had before. By the time I was in Year 8, at the age of 14 or so, I realised that I was indeed attracted to both males and females. I of course went through that questioning stage of wondering and figuring out whether I really was bisexual. Eventually I slowly began coming out to my closest friends and some others who weren't as close, but just there. I was really glad though that I could help others out by coming out to them. Skip along a few more years and I'm 17 years old, in my second last year of high school and I'm having my birthday dinner with family. The first person I came out to was my cousin, S. I wanted to tell her because I knew she was really accepting and open-minded, and she was ecstatic when she found out that she was the first to know within the family. Then a few days after my birthday, I came out to my mum, and she was very accepting of it as well. The funniest one had to be my brother though, because I had yet to come out to him, and I just hadn't felt the need to yet, nor was the timing ever right. But he just so happened to stumble upon my instagram and saw that my profile picture was (and still is) the bisexual flag. He asked about it, and I told him and he was a little stunned but then he was like "oh okay, cool" and then he went about his day again.
Anonymous @ Seattle, WA.
As a girl growing up. I used to like both girls and boys when I was young. I was surrounded by girls and hung out with them everyday. I didn't know the fact that liking a girl when you were a girl is not usual thing, especially in where I lived. And I don't think my friends know that either. So I told them who my crushes were, and they supported me a lot. They would talked to me about my dream girls and stuff. Jeez, I miss those good old days back then. As time went by, I get more shy and shy. Until now, I still like both girls and boys, but I think I fall for girls more often. I moved to America and this place seemed more open minded compare to where I lived before. But I still haven't come out yet, cause I'm too scared what might happen next. Maybe some people will notice it because of how I dress. That feeling sucked me out everyday. My old friends in Vietnam are the only one who knows who I am, the real me. But I'm not sure if they remember, since we were too young to see everything. P/S: I think I'm either lesbian or gay. People called me a "tomboy", part of me somewhat don't like it when people say that to me, since I don't like to label my-self. I wear, and do what makes me feel comfortable.
José @ Lisbon
I've always been gay but I still didn't have the courage to come out and face the society. Only a few people know that I'm gay. I prefer this way. At least for now I was about to finish my studies (only 6 months left) when my brother found out that I was gay. He was completely upset, mad at me. He hit me so hard that I lost 2 teeth. I thought I would die. My mother didn't even tried to make him stop beating me. They have kicked me out of their house and their lives. I'm living with friends since then. My parents stopped paying for my studies and because of my appearance no one wants to hire me. I really don't know what to do. Don't know how to move on. Sometimes I think this life isn't something for me.
Sidney @ Tanzania
I was just a child of 5 or 6 years of age when I wanted my sisters dress, i remembered clearly that day when i cry not to take it off and my mother was so angry at me, she told me wait until your father comes from work... When my father came, he did not tell me anything he slap me hard, i remembered i had a good good biting, that day i was able to know and understand the different between Girls and Boys cloths. That is when i knew i was different. still i was afraid to dress up as a girl, i had to create my own dolls and staff when i was alone to play with in secret. When i started my primary school was able to play all girls games and i could not play football properly, if i did i would play rough. My father had to transfer me from one school to another because all i did was sports but i was not the best student like my other siblings. I was given names during those times Male to Female, which it did not bother me since i was so naive and carefree. whenever i was bullied i would react and i fought back. I went to my secondary education it was also tough since that time it was when i was in my teens , i found out i was not attracted to girls or women sexually, emotionally, physically and spiritually but i was attracted to boys or men. I was so so afraid since i did not know what i was experiencing and who should i tell this new unfounded feelings, due to the fact that it is common or expected of a boy to be attracted to girls but i for one, i was confused and i had to avoid boys who have grown up with and at school most of my friends were girls boys were very few who would like to talk to me because they never hear or see me with girls meaning sexually, therefore i was given names at that time we were called used goods/ cars. Back home they knew i was different but they had to keep up with me. I had to study, work in order to bring food on the table and not secret meetings. some of the neighbors knew about me that i was different from the other boys/men, they said it in whispers or rumors. When i was in high school, i was bullied and harassed but i had to stay put and never give them a sign of weakness. but inside i was hurt, at one point i said should i quit school? i had so many un answered questions, I remembered one day a person who was a neighbor said bad words to me , i felt bad, that day i thought should i commit suicide? but i do not know how i got out of that situation. I couldn't seek any support from my Uncles who were mean to me, it was a taboo to talk about my feelings, therefore i kept it to myself. During my Adult life, it was obvious known i was different but no one knows what or who was I? I finished College, it took me years to go to college because of stigma i had if i go to college. when i was in college it took me a lot of me to fight all the stigma and discrimination towards me because i was seen different in so many was; My voice was and still is husky and sweet, I have a petite body, dark skin,walk like i am in a run away show my dressing code was conservative ( old style) but later own i changed my clothing after i met my LGBTQ community, in 2009. I knew then i was home and at peace. I found myself and that is when the Visibility of me came clear and loud to my family and those who knew me. all this has a price to pay which is very high! All this i might have known intuitively but i was able to keep it to myself but when i was out, that is when i experience Hate of all kinds.
Sidney @ Tanzania
I was just a child of 5 or 6 years of age when I wanted my sisters dress, i remembered clearly that day when i cry not to take it off and my mother was so angry at me, she told me wait until your father comes from work... When my father came, he did not tell me anything he slap me hard, i remembered i had a good good biting, that day i was able to know and understand the different between Girls and Boys cloths. That is when i knew i was different. still i was afraid to dress up as a girl, i had to create my own dolls and staff when i was alone to play with in secret. When i started my primary school was able to play all girls games and i could not play football properly, if i did i would play rough. My father had to transfer me from one school to another because all i did was sports but i was not the best student like my other siblings. I was given names during those times Male to Female, which it did not bother me since i was so naive and carefree. whenever i was bullied i would react and i fought back. I went to my secondary education it was also tough since that time it was when i was in my teens , i found out i was not attracted to girls or women sexually, emotionally, physically and spiritually but i was attracted to boys or men. I was so so afraid since i did not know what i was experiencing and who should i tell this new unfounded feelings, due to the fact that it is common or expected of a boy to be attracted to girls but i for one, i was confused and i had to avoid boys who have grown up with and at school most of my friends were girls boys were very few who would like to talk to me because they never hear or see me with girls meaning sexually, therefore i was given names at that time we were called used goods/ cars. Back home they knew i was different but they had to keep up with me. I had to study, work in order to bring food on the table and not secret meetings. some of the neighbors knew about me that i was different from the other boys/men, they said it in whispers or rumors. When i was in high school, i was bullied and harassed but i had to stay put and never give them a sign of weakness. but inside i was hurt, at one point i said should i quit school? i had so many un answered questions, I remembered one day a person who was a neighbor said bad words to me , i felt bad, that day i thought should i commit suicide? but i do not know how i got out of that situation. I couldn't seek any support from my Uncles who were mean to me, it was a taboo to talk about my feelings, therefore i kept it to myself. During my Adult life, it was obvious known i was different but no one knows what or who was I? I finished College, it took me years to go to college because of stigma i had if i go to college. when i was in college it took me a lot of me to fight all the stigma and discrimination towards me because i was seen different in so many was; My voice was and still is husky and sweet, I have a petite body, dark skin,walk like i am in a run away show my dressing code was conservative ( old style) but later own i changed my clothing after i met my LGBTQ community, in 2009. I knew then i was home and at peace. I found myself and that is when the Visibility of me came clear and loud to my family and those who knew me. all this has a price to pay which is very high! All this i might have known intuitively but i was able to keep it to myself but when i was out, that is when i experience Hate of all kinds.
Lawrence @ United States
Though I have been in a monogamous marriage for thirty-two years, I am a 64-year-old bisexual man, a description that, for now, best reflects the many ambiguities of my sexuality. Alternatively, you could say I'm "gayish", "queer" or "heteroflexible." I really hate all the labels when nothing seems to fit well; does that make me a mis-fit among mis-fits? The naïveté, self-deception and sexual confusion I have experienced during nearly fifty years in the closet have slowly and painfully taken me from adolescence through mature adulthood. Sexuality is at the core of who I am, but it is not everything. It is one of many facets of my entire personality. This realization has helped me to survive all these years. Like so many others who have come out before me, I realize that I had a variety of same-sex attractions starting around age seven. I increasingly became aware of homoerotic tendencies as I approached puberty, but I did my best to be a regular boy and fit in with my friends while trying to understand my conflicted feelings. Hearing other boys in grade school called "sissy" and "homo", I learned that the feelings I had were wrong and were something to be hidden in shame. In middle-school, just after moving to a new town, I fooled around with a younger cousin several times one summer. It was pretty normal adolescent experimentation that started out with simply holding hands. Just that act alone would make my heart race. Though awkward at first, It was an innocent and beautiful expression of friendship and love, and magical for me at a time when I had no friends. Our mutual affection soon turned into sex play, though. We had fun while it lasted. It provided fodder for many of my erotic fantasies and lots of guilt for years after. Our Grandma found us playing strip poker one night at her house, and our parents had also noticed us sleeping closely together in my uncle's summer rec-room side-by-side under a single sleeping bag. I'm sure they probably all talked about it. Later that summer, before a beach vacation, we now had separate beds in the bedroom. When I made new overtures towards him by trying to reach under the covers, he shut it all down, probably at his parent's urging. He awkwardly said, "No! ...It's called ho-mo-sex-u-al-i-ty, ...we can't." He barely knew the word, but I did, and figured we had been found out, so I stopped, in shock and panic. Later that weekend, we were noticeably kept apart at night in separate beach cabins. We remained close till I left home, but our little fling was over. Being the older cousin by two years, I was flooded with guilt. I panicked, thinking everything was my fault and that I would probably have to answer at some point for encouraging his participation in such disgusting behaviour. I waited for the other shoe to drop; luckily, nothing further came of it. The next summer, an older cousin of mine came to visit. I had a crush on him, but didn't realize it at the time. He was in high-school and was cool, tall, good-looking, and could drive. We would go driving around, out for fast food or hang out at the beach with some of my other cousins. I was devastated when he died from leukemia within a year. Strangely, his death had a huge positive impact on my life. I vowed to cast off all reluctance and shyness and do all the things he would never have the chance to do whenever I could. In high school, there was pressure to begin dating. Also, I began swimming and playing water polo my freshman year. With all those guys in speedos, I had to make a conscious effort not to look too much or become aroused. If I felt attracted to any particular guy, I was clueless of how to develop a new friendship without tipping my hand. Considering the situation with my younger cousin, I began suppressing any overt expressions of my sexuality out of fear of discovery, disapproval, rejection, or worse. Though I was longing for close male friendship, I also began asking girls for dates. Socializing with girls then was going to movies, weekend dances or roller skating. I was awkward as hell. Finally in 11th grade (1968), I successfully asked a girl out with me on my first real date. We went to a get-together at a classmate's house and basically just hung out. I was pumped up thinking this was a perfect non-threatening first date. I soon became really anxious about what to do or how to act, especially in front of all my friends. Flirting didn't come natural to me, and I couldn't read social cues very well. (Now I know this is part of ADD with which I was diagnosed as an adult). The date quickly became awkward and uncomfortable for both of us. Even so, I thought that if we dated more and really got to know each other, maybe it would get easier. I imagined that in time things would warm up, maybe get more physical, and eventually, we would "do it." (The thing that's on most boy's mind at that age). Well, when I dropped her off, there was an awkward kiss and she then asked if I had ever talked to my dad about girls. "", I said slowly as my heart pounded. "Well, you really need to..." she said. She shut the door quickly before I could ask her out again. The date was a failure. My ego was crushed. I wanted to die. I was devastated and went home to my room. My parents were at the neighbors, so I was alone in the house. I slammed my door shut and began to stare at myself in the mirror. At sixteen, I came out to myself in that moment, but not in a positive way. I started getting teary looking at that handsome boy in the mirror and wondering why there was no girl or boy who was interested in being a close friend. What was wrong with me? Why was I such a failure? Why was it all such an ordeal? Then I looked directly into my own eyes and started talking out loud to myself: "Great date, huh? You're queer, aren't you?, you pervert. Yeah, you're a queer, ...a homo , ...A QUEER HOMO!". As the tears started flowing, I became really worked up: "You FAG!" "You're a f***ing gay faggot, ...etc, ...etc." My self-hate pity-party only got worse as I unleashed on myself a final deluge of every obscene homophobic epithet I could think of. I became my own worst enemy. I collapsed into my bed sobbing convulsively till I fell asleep. This was the first of many, many such nights interspersed with bouts of depression that I hid successfully. I would blame my swollen, inflamed eyes on chlorine from swimming. I really didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be seen as a pervert. I didn't realize it at the time, but the idiot boy in that mirror had just pulled me into a closet that I would be trapped in for a very long time. I became highly skilled at avoiding talking about sex and dating for fear of being found out, or just hiding inside my shyness, remaining silent while others talked about boys and girls, dating and sex. Also, when other boys would gossip about some effeminate boy suspected of being gay, I would join in and agree with them just to enhance my own deception and to divert attention from myself. Junior and senior year, I managed to get dates for some of the couples' dances. I would drink or smoke pot before going, which would help calm me and make me feel like everything was fine. It was a turn-off for some girls who didn't want to be seen with a "doper." Later, the drinking and drug use got worse and probably contributed to a case of arrested development. A couple of the girls I really liked a lot, but I would never get that all-important second date. The socializing and dancing was fine, but it became routine and just for show. I would always pay for a posed dance picture so that I could prop it up in my bedroom for my friends, parents and siblings to see. Playing my guitar, school activities, swimming, water polo and scuba diving kept me somewhat sane. I would get drunk or stoned on the weekends with friends. Staying busy let me ignore the wreckage of my own psyche among lots of superficial relationships. I remained inhibited, stiff and clueless as to how to achieve any kind of intimacy with anyone, male or female. I craved love, but my guard was always up. During and after high school, I was tempted on several occasions to fool around with a male friend during a sleep-over or on a camping trip. I would fantasize about subtle things I could do or games that might lead to sex play, but I would never act them out. Someone might notice or find out. I convinced myself that there was a line I couldn't cross. If I crossed that line into the gay world, I couldn't come back, and that was very frightening. If I ended up making out or having sex with another guy, everything would change. I would become irreversibly gay and relegated to a dark world of unfulfilling promiscuous, anonymous sex. (This is how being gay was portrayed back then). What terrified me more was the possibility of being outed and/or or beat up for trying to initiate something with the wrong guy. Consequently, I have never, ever had sex with another man. I tried to date girls a little bit in college without much success. I distinctly remember having the "nice guy" line thrown in my face by a girl at a dorm party one night during my junior year after asking her for a date. It goes something like this: "You're such a nice guy, and you know, nice guys finish last. ...Bye!" That was one of the cruelest things anyone had ever said to me, and it really upset me. From that point on, college parties for me were just about getting high and/or drunk with the boys. I accepted my social awkwardness and gave up the trying to date. I went to several nearby nude beaches occasionally in junior college and later at the university and found them to be quite liberating. Sometimes I would go with friends, sometimes alone. One nude beach near the university I soon realized was also a cruising area. I was intrigued and started hanging out there, but I panicked whenever it looked like some guy was going to make a move toward me. Sometimes I wished I could have been more spontaneous, more adventurous; I was always over-thinking these situations. I just couldn't take the plunge, so I quickly decided that gratuitous casual sex wasn't for me. I went there a couple of times with my roommate, but we would just read and drink a few beers. Even though it was just Platonic, I still enjoyed simply getting naked at the beach with a friend. After college, I finally lost my virginity and became sexually active with various women during my mid-twenties, I again briefly entertained the idea of experimenting with M/M sex, but just couldn't risk it. In my mind, I was just a late-bloomer who was really straight, after all. I had pushed my gay side way to the back of the closet. Several times when I could have hooked up with a man, I would panic and leave. As the AIDS epidemic erupted, sex with any man was now off the table; I just didn't want to risk dying for a one-night-stand. Around the same time, I got crabs from a casual girl friend. Having to buy "Rid" for my friends and roommates proved to be a perverse way of showing everyone how heterosexual I now was. I got off on appearing to be such a bad-boy slut. I finally met and moved in with the woman who is the love of my life in 1983, and we married the next year. She is my soul mate. I now finally understand that merely repressing my homoerotic urges and abstaining from sex with men doesn't make me straight, just a frustrated gay-ish bisexual queer. By deceiving myself, I also deceived her. For that, I am so sorry. The shame I feel for not facing up to my dilemma sooner has just added to my pain. Coming out now at the age of sixty-four only to those closest to me seems to be the next logical step. Since I am in a committed relationship, I'm not about to run out and start hooking up with men. I fit the definition of a "heteromantic" bisexual. I realize that my motives will be suspect and that I will have to endure the many misconceptions that abound about bisexuality; however, I have painted myself into the corner of a very deep closet - and I want out! I want to live my life authentically. I've yet to figure out how to do that without having to explain myself, but I'm sure it will come with time. I'd like to be free to watch a gay-themed movie without being self-conscious, or feeling like I need to remove the title from the viewing history. I don't want to die pretending to be something I am not. Most of all, I want to bring more honesty into my life and into my marriage. I still dearly love my wife. I hope what I am doing won't destroy that, but this must be done if I am going to hang on to my sanity.